100x100 avis you can use these avatars on yahoo, forums, etc. please upload onto your own server. Oldest Newest back Backgrounds if you use any of these backgrounds, link back to me. you can use one of my buttons, but a text link is fine too. upload onto your own server please, no direct linking. Stripes Stars back Welcome and Enter Signs Upload onto your own server Welcome Signs Enter Signs back 50x50 avis upload onto your own server please -- back Personal Caged Bird behind these bars of insanity her deepest wish is to be free smile so kind, but miserable inside that is were she chooses to hide as other s watch with pleasure and joy only to be fed my her alluring voice undead to the world she seems this is why the caged bird sings a tear falls forever in her broken heart yet the world only views her as a piece of art her only way to escape is to replay her tape masking her face with her cape not to bring tourists and curious bystanders but to break away from the world she speaks a mournful tune secretly crying, hoping the torture will stop soon this is why the caged bird sings... My Way poetry is my way of bleeding silently pleading to be heard, emotions written down in words my pen as the blade, smoothly slices across the paper as a crimson river of words flows from it poetry is my way of bleeding a simple way of intelluctual breathing only needing to be alone feel stone cold, yet so numb my thoughts a tranquilizer that make me feel so dumb... internal breathing emotional feeding a special meaning poetry is my way of bleeding Untitled 2 faded rose, crooked nose, crying heart, bleeding soul, mourning eyes, evening dew, never felt such a deep sadness, never felt this blue faded rose, crooked nose, mournful eyes, silent cries, always alone, never home.... Life's Lesson depression a way of self-expression a brief session in life a time of strife in deep despair beyond repair rain upon the windowpane droning voices calling my name silence is all i hear forgetting all those childish fears of death, taking one last breath ebony tears running down my face these scars leave an everlasting trace misery is all i see feeling nothing but apathy nothingness is all i am hopelessness, what a mess desolation in this nation depression leaving an eterenal impression in my mind i just need time to heal this all can't be real is this what it's like to feel worthless, melancholy, hollow, or just not there? it's not fair, but why should i care... depression life's lesson a personal session of mine Mental Maze paranoid, i lie awake fragile heart, so easy to break vertigo, around it goes where it leads me, i don't know staring at your gruesome eface running at a steady pace hallucinations all around wait, i thought i heard a sound paranoia, in a daze not a moment, not a phase slowly staggering, down the street cuts and bruises upon my feet looking up to the midnight sky holding back my muffled cries falling deeper into teh darkness crawling, calling, hearing my name take a deep breath, to over come this cruel game in a battle with myself, facing death eyes wide open, i come out of a dream so real, it seems grab my black book, lock the door shut quickly look around, so tempted to cut paranoia, in a dream mental maze so it seems Goodbye friends till the end that's what you said as you crawled from my bed, out the window, gone for now... and as i lied awake, i cried, knowing no one could mend these wounds but you said it would be over soon friends till the end that's what you last said now you're dead away from this world that seemed to twirl now, without your presence it stays silently still Final Destination pale complexion picture of imperfection poem collection trusting no one fear of deception unusual conversation burning with anticipation dominated by stress feel like shit, life a mess mourned by some scorned by others hard to believe they were once your brothers exclamation, lamentation of what has become of thee out of the picture finally free this is how it's meant to be this is me Girl In The Picture dark brown eyes, with a deep cold stare< r> delicate flowers splashed upon her hair ruby red lips, turned up in a smile but inside, she feels like a lost child rosy cheeks, long lashes slashes on her arms, she's feeling weak trimmed nails, flowing dress limbs becoming frail, her life a mess poised position, hourglass frame do u wish to know her name? look at the border, near the misty windows by the softly glowing candles, then you shall know there her name lies, so elegantly placed now quickly glance at her face what words come to mind when you see this child? pure, charming, sweet, mild? ha you fool, so easily tricked gaze closer now, does she really seem happy? within her eyes, sadness lies deep inside, she wants to cry her only desire is to die the girl in the picture that girl in the picture is i more will be added soon back Hate/Depression Life's Lesson depression a way of self-expression a brief session in life a time of strife in deep despair beyond repair rain upon the windowpane droning voices calling my name silence is all i hear forgetting all those childish fears of death, taking one last breath ebony tears running down my face these scars leave an everlasting trace misery is all i see feeling nothing but apathy nothingness is all i am hopelessness, what a mess desolation in this nation depression leaving an eterenal impression in my mind i just need time to heal this all can't be real is this what it's like to feel worthless, melancholy, hollow, or just not there? it's not fair, but why should i care... depression life's lesson a personal session of mine Final Destination pale complexion picture of imperfection poem collection trusting no one fear of deception unusual conversation burning with anticipation dominated by stress feel like shit, life a mess mourned by some scorned by others hard to believe they were once your brothers exclamation, lamentation of what has become of thee out of the picture finally free this is how it's meant to be this is me Impassive The coldness of this blade So smooth against my skin Can not measure up to The pain I feel within Destruction in my mind Emotionally wounded by you Too vulnerable to see That you used and abused thee Fragile and weak Fractured heart, no one out to seek For help, so I continue to weep Fallen and torn Grazed by this poisonous thorn Called love...... Ashamed and exposed Wretched and broken Yet I still love In spite of the past Knowing that they won’t last...... Feeling nothing but desolation and deception Since I saw that horrid site Empty and alone....... Suicidal on this wicked night....... the sharpness of the blade slices through my skin can not measure up to the hatred I feel within Gone crying, crying black tears upon my face lying, lying escaping without a trace seeing you, hearing you through the darkness, in the light wanting, craving, begging for more needing you like never before cutting, cutting slash your name into my arm bleeding, bleeding a scarlet river flows from my veins dying, dying my mind void, body numb fading, fading away to nothing more lifeless body, slipping under the cloudy bathwater i no longer have to wait... i'm finally gone more will be added soon back Love Love love is an emotion it's warm and kind but never rude love can be fun and playful love will never hurt you love can leave and break your heart but comes back as soon as it goes love is eternal and everlasting love will never harm you love is warm and affectionate, kind and sweet love is always there to wrap its arms around you love will protect you so that nothing bad will affect you through good or bad love is love Maybe maybe we can get away from here anywhere, so we'll no longer hide from fear hand in hand across unknown lands running, running as fast as we can will we ever make it? triping, falling, rolling in the sand smiling, laughing, hand in hand with you, and only you, my man Love (Or Cliche?) roses are red yet so are my eyes from the cold lonely nights for which i have cried see because of you i thought i couldn't go on but then i realized i was strong and it didn't take long i shot my love today would you cry for me? would you dare to stop and stare as i mourn in misery? violets are blue yet so are my arms for the bruises i have made the prices i have paid for ever trusting you never had a clue of what would become of thee roses are red violets are blue now i see that your love was never true... more will be added soon back Uncatergorized Living an Indecisive and Free Experience Lucious Oblivious Vicious Exotic adventure Monster Unleashed from my Soul and is an Intimidating Creature Dramatic Instinctive Free soul Free mind Elusive Reserved Energetic Non-realistic Talented Adventuorus Naughty Gregerious Exciting Lover Bizzare Impulsive Tease Colorful Human more coming soon, maybe =] back Tainted Don't don't tell me that you love me when you cheat behind my back don't say you care when you can never stare me straight in the eye don't tell me what to do don't tell me what to say if you know anything about me i always do things my way don't touch me or hug me kiss me or cuddle me don't lie in my face cuz i can tell by her trace that you've been messing around picking up women around town say what you mean and mean what you say if you can't do that don't bother to lay with me why do you stay with me? when you can't commit to being a one woman man? don't say sorry or apologize don't look at me and have tears in your eyes let me just summarize what i want to say i just want you to stay the hell away from me you can cry me a river send me flowers and gifts won't matter cuz i won't miss you at all don't even bother to call my name you had your chance i'm no longer in a trance but i'm facing reality and now i can see you don't love me...... more will be added soon back Rare Rainbow my love is a rainbow, a million different colors take the blue from the sky, the green from the grass the yellow from the sun, and the brown from brass my love is a rainbow calm and pure, bright and warm take the orange from a peach, the pink from my lips take the purple from a violet, and the red from rose hips my love's a rainbow exposed and passionate, loving and romantic my love's a rainbow, a million different colors each one like my emotions, diverse from the others Untitled seasons come and go but with my emotions, you never know i love while spring blooms, and grieve on those cold winter nights creativity flows, with the motion of the salty sea i relieve myself during the sizziling summer under the shade of a peach tree dreary skies loom overhead as i trot through the gray slush i laughed every time my grandma cooks the "special" thanksgiving mush inhale the scent of the flowers autumn nights fragrant with pine only three weeks later, those presents will soon be mine enjoy the blazing sun for it will not last very long as summer starts to fade, and leaves begin to fray you'll be singing a morbid song but worry not, my dear friend for your break is near the sound of kids rejoicing is all you'll be able to hear seasons last only a moment but memories never go away soon you'll begin to wish that everything should stay this way so now i wind up this segment with no exotic end but, aren't those the best stories? there' always room to pretend......... more will be added soon back Heaven Mommy went to Heaven, but I need her here today, My tummy hurts and I fell down, I need her right away. I really need your help, operator to find her in this book? Is heaven in the yellow part, I don't know where to look. I think my daddy needs her too, at night I hear him cry. I hear him call her name sometimes, but I really don't know why. Maybe if I call her, she will hurry home to me. Is Heaven very far away, is it across the sea? She's been gone a long, long time she needs to come home now! I really need to reach her, but I simply don't know how. Help me find the number please, is it listed under Heaven? I can't read these big big words, I am only seven. I'm sorry operator, I didn't mean to make you cry, Is your tummy hurting too, or is there something in your eye? If I call my church maybe they will know. Mommy said when we need help that's where we should go. I found the number to my church tacked up on the wall. Thank you operator, I'll give them a call. back Daddy Her hair was up in a ponytail Her favorite dress tied with a bow. Today was Daddy's Day at school, And she couldn't wait to go. But her mommy tried to tell her, That she probably should stay home. Why the kids might not understand, If she went to school alone. But she was not afraid; She knew just what to say. What to tell her classmates Of why he wasn't there today. But still her mother worried, For her to face this day alone. And that was why once again, She tried to keep her daughter home. But the little girl went to sc ool, Eager to tell them all. About a dad she never sees A dad who never calls. There were daddies along the wall in back, For everyone to meet. Children squirming impatiently, Anxious in their seats. One by one the teacher called, A student from the class. To introduce their daddy, As seconds slowly passed. At last the teacher called her name, Every child turned to stare. Each of them was searching, For a man who wasn't there. "Where's her daddy at?" She heard a boy call out. "She probably doesn't have one," Another student dared to shout. And from somewhere near the back, She heard a daddy say, "Looks like another deadbeat dad, Too busy to waste his day." The words did not offend her, As she smiled up at her Mom. And looked back at her teacher, Who told her to go on. And with hands behind her back, Slowly began to speak. And out from the mouth of a child, Came words incredibly unique. "My Daddy couldn't be here, Because he lives so far away. But I know he wishes he could be, Since this is such a special day. And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know. All about my daddy, And how much he loves me so. He loved to tell me stories He taught me to ride my bike. He surprised me with pink roses, And taught me to fly a kite. We used to share fudge sundaes, And ice cream in a cone. And though you cannot see him, I'm not standing here alone. "Cause my daddy's always with me, Even though we are apart I know because he told me, He'll forever be in my heart." With that, her little hand reached up, And lay across her chest. Feeling her own heartbeat, Beneath her favorite dress. And from somewhere in the crowd of dads, Her mother stood in tears. Proudly watching her daughter, Who was wise beyone her years. For she stood up for the love Of a man not in her life. Doing what was best for her, Doing what was right. And when she dropped her hand back down, Staring straight into the crowd. She finished with a voice so soft, But its message clear and loud. "I love my daddy very much, He's my shining star. And if he could, he'd be here, But heaven's just too far. You see he was a fireman And died just this past year When airplanes hit the towers And taught Americans to fear. But sometimes when I close my eyes, It's like he never went away." And then she closed her eyes, And saw him there that day. And to her mother's amazement, She witnessed with surprise. A room full of daddies and children, All starting to close their eyes. Who knows what they saw before them, Who knows what they felt inside. Perhaps for merely a second, They saw him at her side. "I know you're with me Daddy," To the silence she called out. And what happened next made believers, Of those once filled with doubt. Not one in that room could explain it, For each of their eyes had been closed. But there on the desk beside her, Was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose. And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, By the love of her shining bright star. And given the gift of believing, That heaven is never too far. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them. back True Love 10th grade As I sat there in english class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called 'best friend'. I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before. I handed them to her. She said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I dont want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I dont know why. 11th grade The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I dont know why. Senior year The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick" she said, "He's not gonna go" well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together - just as 'best friends'. So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she doesn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said- "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I dont want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine - but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said- 'you're my best friend, thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I dont want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and don't know why. Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say 'i do' and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said 'you came!'. She said 'thanks' and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I dont want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my 'best friend'. At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: "...I stare at him wishing he was mine; but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me... 'I wish I did too...' I thought to myself, and I cried. back Dating Rules Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: early. Rule Five: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many oppurtunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Six: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like change the oil in my car? Rule Seven: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient tamperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Eight: Be afraid.. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your ca - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. back Jenny Jenny was so happy about the house they had found. For once in her life it was on the right side of town. She unpacked her things with such great ease. As she watched her new curtains blow in the breeze. How wonderful it was to have her own room School would be starting; She'd have friends over soon. There'd be sleep-overs, and parties; she was so happy It's just the way she wanted her life to be. On the first day of school, everything went great. She made new friends and even got a date! She thought, "I want to be popular and I'm going to be, because I just got a date with the star of the team!" to be known in this school you had to have a clout, and dating this guy would sure help her out. There was only one problem stopping her fate. Her parents had said she was too young to date. Well, I just won't tell them the entire truth. They won't know the differentce; Whats there to lose?" Jenny asked to stay with her friends that night. Her parents frowned but said, "All right." Excited, she got ready for the big event But as she rushed around like she had no sense, She began to feel guilty about all the lies, But what's a pizza, a party, and a moonlight ride? Well the pizzawas good, and the party was great, but the moonlight ride would have to wait. For Jeff was half drunk by this time. She felt someone remove her from the twisted rubble, and heard, "call an ambulance! these kids are in trouble! Voices she heard...A few words at best. But she knew there were two cars involved in the wreck. Then wondered to herself if Jeff was all right, And if the people in the other car was alive. She awoke in the hospital to faces so sad. "You've been in a wreck and it looks pretty bad." These voices echoed inside her head, As they gently told her that Jeff was dead. They said "Jenny, we've done all we can do. But it looks as if we'll lose you too." "But the people in the other car!?" Jenny cried. "We're sorry, Jenny, they also died." Jenny prayed, "God, forgive me for what I've done I only wanted to have just one night of fun." "Tell those people's family, I've made their lives dim, and wish I could return their families to them." "Tell Mom and Dad I'm sorry I lied, and that it's my fault so many have died. Oh, nurse, won't you please tell them that for me?" The nurse just stood there, she never agreed. But took Jenny's hand with tears in her eyes. And a few moments later Jenny died. A man asked the nurse, "Why didn't you do your best to bid that girl her one last request?" She looked at the man with eyes so sad. "Because the people in the other car were her mom and dad." This story is sad and unpleasant but true, so young people take heed, it could have been you. back What To Do In A Boring Movie 1. Wear a top hat. 2. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!" 3. Go, "Ooooooh....."Whenever any one kisses. 4. Clap when the good guy gets killed. 5. Make noises like you passing gas and go, "Ahh...." 6. Starting wheezing and ask the person next to you if you can have some Juicy Fruits for your asthma. 7. During the previews, yell "Can you fast-forward it?" 8. Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!" 9. Laugh very loud at all the corny jokes 10. Tell the man selling popcorn that the girls bathroom is flooding. 11. Yell out what is going to happen. 12. Tell the man next to you that you have diarrhoea and wink while smiling 13. Wear a cape and when it's your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm batman! Hahaha!" and run away. 14. Yell, "Fire!" and moon the people coming through the exit. 15. Say that they cannot sit next to you cause your invisible friend already is. 16. Yell out loud, "stop molesting me!" back Karma A man was driving home one evening, on a two-lane country road. Work in this small Midwestern community, was almost as slow as his beat-up Pontiac. But he never quit looking. Ever since the factory closed, he'd been unemployed, and with winter raging on, the chill had finally hit home. It was a lonely road. Not very many people had a reason to be on it, unless they were leaving. Most of his friends had already left. They had families to feed and dreams to fulfill. But he had stayed on. After all, this was where he'd buried his mother and father. He was born here and he knew the countryside like the back of his hand. He could go down this road blind, and tell you what was on either side, and with his headlights not working, which came in handy. It was starting to get dark and light snow flurries were coming down. He'd better get a move on. He almost didn't see the old lady, stranded on the side of the road. But even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. He pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her. Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn't look safe, he looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was that chill which only fear can put in you. He said, "I'm here to help you ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan." Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan craw ed under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt. As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid. Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. She asked him how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She had already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Bryan never thought twice about the money. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty who had given him a hand in the past... He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way. He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance that they needed, and Bryan added "...and think of me." He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight. A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy-looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The cash register was like the telephone of an out-of work actor-it didn't ring much. Her waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase. The lady noticed that the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan. After the lady finished her meal, and the waitress went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, the lady slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be, then she noticed something written on the napkin under which was some $100 bills- four of them to be exact. There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote. It said: "You don't owe me anything, I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you." Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. Later that night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was still thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard. She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, "Everything's gonna be all right. I love you, Bryan." back Friends One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd." I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friend tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives." He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes. We hung all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him. And my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Damn boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak. Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him! Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach... but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story." I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable." I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and Dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth. Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. "Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly." back Blue Flowers I bumped into a stranger as he passed by. "Oh, ...excuse me, please" was my reply. He said, "Please excuse me too; I wasn't even watching for you." Oh, we were polite -- this stranger and I. We went on our way and we said our good-bye. But at home a different story is told, How we treat our loved ones, young and old. Later that day, cooking the evening meal, My daughter stood beside me very still. When I turned, I nearly knocked her down. "Move out of the way!" I said with a frown. She walked away, her little heart broken. I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken. Later that night wide awake in my bed, God's still, small voice came to me and said, "While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use, But the children you love, you seem to abuse! Look upon the kitchen floor, You'll find some flowers there by the door. Those are the flowers she brought for you, She picked them herself -- pink, yellow and blue. She stood quietly not to spoil the surprise, And you never saw the tears in her eyes." By this time, I felt very small And now my tears began to fall. I quietly went and knelt by her bed; "Wake up, sweetheart," I whispered and said. "Are these the flowers you picked for me?" She smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree. I picked 'em because they're pretty like you. I knew that you'd like them -- especially the blue." I said, "Daughter, I'm sorry how I acted to you today; She hugged me and said "Mommy, that's okay. You know I love you anyway." I said, Daughter, I love you too! And I do like the flowers -- especially the blue." back Babysitter A young couple living in a large house, had gone out to a dinner party one evening. The couple had left their babysitter in charge of their two children at the house. With the children already in bed, she decided to go into the living room and watch some television for a while. As she was about to get comfortable on the couch, the phone rang. As she picked up the reciever, all she heard was a man laughing menacingly, and a voice that said " I'm upstairs with the children, you'd better come up." Thinking it was a prank phone call or someone just trying to scare her, she slammed the receiver down and turned up the television. A few minutes later the phone rang again. As she picked it up, she could her the unmistakable laughter coming over the phone line. She then heard the man say, once again, " I'm upstairs with the children, you'd better come up." Get ing very frightened and worried, she hung the phone up. Not knowing what to do, the babysitter calls the operator. The operator tells her that they would notify the police and, should he decided to call again, to keep him talking in order to give the police time to trace the call. Only a few minutes after she finished talking with the operator, the phone rang again. It was the voice again. After he said, "I'm upstairs with the children, you'd better come up," she tried to stall him by asking why he was doing this to her. However, he must have guessed what she was trying to do and he hung up the phone on her. Only seconds later the phone rang again. This time it was the operator, who said, "Get out of the house right now, we traced the call and its coming from the upstairs phone. The man is in the house with you.". The baby-sitter dropped the phone and, at the same time, heard someone running down the stairs. She fled from the house and ran straight into the arms of the police. The police burst into the house and found a man brandishing a large butcher's knife. The man had broken in through one of the windows upstairs. He murdered both of the children while they slept, and was just about to do the same to the babysitter when the police arrived. back Sarah My name is Sarah I am but three, My eyes are swollen I cannot see, I must be stupid I must be bad, What else could have made My daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly. Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me. I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong Or else I'm locked up All the day long. When I awake I'm all alone The house is dark My folks aren't home When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice, So maybe I'll get just One whipping tonight. Don't make a sound! I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlie's Bar I hear him curse My name he calls I press myself Against the wall I try and hide From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry He finds me weeping He shouts ugly words, He says its my fault That he suffers at work. He slaps me and hits me And yells at me more, I finally get free And I run for the door. He's already locked it And I start to bawl, He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall. I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken. "I'm sorry!" I scream But its now much too late His face had been twisted Into unimaginable hate The hurt and the pain Again and again Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end! And he finally stops And heads for the door, While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor My name is Sarah I am but three, Tonight my daddy Murdered me. back 100 People If we could shrink our world and only have 100 people in it the human ratio would be… 57 Asians 21 Europeans 14 from the Western Hemisphere (both north and south) 8 Africans 52 would be female 48 would be male 70 would be non-white 30 would be white 70 would be non-Christians 30 would be Christian 6 people would possess 59% of the entire world wealth 80 would live in substandard housing 70 would be unable to read 50 would suffer from malnutrition 1 would be near death 1 would be near birth 1 would have a college education 1 would own a computer back Easy Quiz thanks to star-girl Questions 1. How long did the Hundred Years’ War last? 2. Which country makes Panama hats? 3. From which animal do we get catgut? 4. In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 5. What is a ‘camel's hair’ brush made of? 6. The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? 7. What was King George VI's first name? 8. What colour is a purple finch? 9. Where are Chinese gooseberries from? Check your answers below! Scroll down… Keep scrolling… Keep scrolling… Keep scrolling… Answers coming up next! Answers 1. How long did the Hundred Years War last? - 116 years. 2. Which country makes Panama hats? - Ecuador. 3. From which animal do we get catgut? Sheep (and horses). 4. In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? -November. 5. What is a ‘camel's hair’ brush made of? - Squirrel fur. 6. The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? - Dogs. 7. What was King George VI's first name? - Albert. 8. What colour is a purple finch? - Crimson. 9. Where are Chinese gooseberries from? - New Zealand. back Motorcycle Girl: slow down you're going to fast. Boy: no it's fun. Girl: no it's not, I'm scared, slow down. Boy: then tell me that you love me. Girl: fine I love you. moments later... Boy: hey take off my helmet and put it on, it's bugging me Girl: ok Boy: now hug me and hang on Girl: ok Next day in the paper.... A couple got into a bike accident but one survived.. it was the girl.. the boy realized half way through the road his breaks failed and didn't want his girl to panic so he told his girl to tell him that she loved him and get one last hug... and gave her the helmet so that way she would live even though that meant giving up his life.... back Telemarketers 1.If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. 2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died ..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems. 3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary. 4. This works great if you are male -- Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company ..." You: Wait for a second and with a really husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?" 5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from. 6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up. 7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends ... would you be my friend?" 8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood? 9. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit-card number to a complete stranger. 10. Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees. 11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream "Oh my God!" and then hang up. 12. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times. 13. Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speakerphone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. 14. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer. 15. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number. 16. Tell the telemarketer, "Okay, I will lis en to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes." 17. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?" 18. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up ... louder ... louder ... louder ... 19. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down. back A Letter From Germany In the days when you couldn't count on a public facility to have indoor plumbing, an English woman was planning a trip to Germany. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called WC which stands for water closet. She wrote the schoolmaster inquiring into the location of the nearest WC. The schoolmaster, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house...a bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply: Dear Madam, I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of the a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly. You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time! I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all. With deepest regards, The Schoolmaster back A Lawyer and a Blonde A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now some what agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his co-workers and friends. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep back Holmes and Watson Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!" back Don't Step On The Ducks Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on . . very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!" back What To Do In A Drive Through Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colourful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside. Drive through backwards. Belch your order. After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to hear each other and, thus, each raises his/her volume. Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac. Walk through. Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty understanding you. Repeat everything the order-taker says. Attempt to take the order-takers order ("Hi, may I take your order?") before they get a chance to take yours. Order confusing items, i.e., "Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and a small medium fries, please". In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order, then slip out of line and watch the fun as the person behind you is handed 40 bags of food. When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells. Drive through with a carload of naked people. Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion. Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food. Bring alon a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice. One word: Flatulence! Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk. If you are a male, have a female friend place the order by speaking VERY seductively and suggestively into the speaker. When she finishes, have her hide and pull up to accept your order. See how many of the order-takers fellow employees have been called over to the window to "check out the babe". Change a flat tire in the drive-thru lane. back Job Application This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida...and they hired him because he was so honest and funny! NAME: Greg Bulmash SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person. DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. SALARY: Less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely. SIGN HERE: Aries. back Homework Excuses There weren't any commercials on the station I was watching. I gave it to a poor kid that didn't have any homework. Here it is, I wrote it in invisible ink. My dog ate it, and then my science project ate my dog. It was so perfect, I'm having it framed. It accidentally got stuck in the freezer and all of the writing froze and fell off. I forgot to remember. My parrot needed new carpeting. I dropped it in the street, and a car parked on it. Too much knowledge is a dangerous thing, and I don't want to hurt myself. I felt you covered the topic very thoroughly yesterday. I was kidnapped by aliens who kept it for further study. They gave me an "A". I fell into a hole in my basement. I was afraid I'd lose it, so I mailed it to myself. I squished a bug with it. Steven Spielberg bought it for his next movie. I left my brain in my locker. I dreamed I did it, and thought I turned it in. The Smithsonian Institution requested it for an exhibit. I was on a website called evil-licious.uk.tt looking at homework excuses, and I didn't have time to do it. Life's too short. It ran away. I had an excuse but I forgot. There wasn't any toilet paper in the bathroom so I used my homework. Your the best teacher in the world, may I say I like your shirt, oh and i love the way you've done your hair...I haven't done my homework... just give me an A back Money Plea$e Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on The Reply: Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad back AOL City You'd live in a place where no two people had the same name. You'd only pay £21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck. The commute to work is just a double-click away, but every time you try to leave your driveway, the flow of traffic knocks you back into your yard. The local post office would tell your mother you're not a known resident. The local post office won't forward your mail to you when you move. If you saw a crime and called 911, they'd reply a week later with a form letter saying how you "really are important to us." Every time you went shopping, you'd be kicked out of the store by a bouncer screaming, "WE'RE SORRY, THIS STORE IS TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE." Whenever you travelled to other cities, people would see your license tag and laugh at you, behind your back. You'd occasionally be sent home during your day by another bouncer telling you that the city has performed an illegal operation. You'd not have any idea who your neighbours are, and most new arrivals would move in at night, stuff everyone's mailbox with garbage, and vacate before sunup. The administration would build a huge, state-of-the-art park, and allow the kids to play there free, then suddenly start demanding money. back English Language thanks to evil-licious 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) After a number of injections my jaw got number. 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another? Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was dombobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it. back Someone You are Everything To Somebody Right now at this very minute: someone is very proud of you someone is thinking of you someone cares about you someone misses you someone wants to talk to you someone wants to be with you someone hopes you aren't in trouble someone is thankful for the support you have provided someone wants to hold your hand someone hopes everything turns out all right someone wants you to be happy someone wants you to find them someone is celebrating your successes someone wants to give you a gift someone thinks you ARE a gift someone hopes you are not too cold, or too hot someone wants to hug you someone loves you someone wants to lavish you with small gifts someone admires your strength someone is thinking of you and smiling someone wants to be your shoulder to cry on someone wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun someone thinks the world of you someone wants to protect you someone would do anything for you someone wants to be forgiven someone is grateful for your forgiveness someone wants to laugh with you about old times someone remembers you and wishes you were there someone is praising God for you someone needs to know that your love is unconditional somebody values your advice someone wants to tell you how much they care someone wants to stay up watching old movies with you someone wants to share their dreams with you someone wants to hold you in their arms someone wants YOU to hold them in your arms someone treasures your spirit someone wishes they could STOP time because of you someone praises God for your friendship and love someone can't wait to see you someone wishes that things didn't have to change someone loves you for who you are someone loves the way you make them feel someone wants to be with you someone is hoping they can grow old with you someone hears a song that reminds them of you < r> someone wants you to know they are there for you someone is glad that you're their friend someone wants to be your friend someone stayed up all night thinking about you someone is alive because of you someone is remorseful after losing your friendship someone is wishing that you would notice them someone wants to get to know you better someone believes that you are their soul mate someone wants to be near you someone misses your guidance and advice someone values your guidance and advice someone has faith in you someone trusts you someone needs you to send them this letter someone needs your support someone needs you to have faith in them someone needs you to let them be your friend someone will cry when they read this back Types of Kisses Butterfly Kiss - With your faces less than a breath away, open and close your eyelids against your partners. If done correctly, the fluttering sensation will match the one in your heart. Cheek Kiss - A friendly, "I really like you" kiss. Often the preferred kissing method of a first date. With your hands on your partner's shoulders, gently brush your lips across their cheek. Earlobe Kiss - Gently sip and suck the earlobe. Avoid louder sucking noises as ears are sensitized noise detectors. Eskimo Kiss - With your faces less than a breath apart, gently rub your noses together. Eye Kiss - Hold your partner's head with both hands and slowly move their head in the direction you wish your kiss to go... then slowly kiss up towards your partner's eyes and give them a tender kiss on top of their closed eyes. Eyelid Kiss - While your partner is resting/sleeping with eyes closed, very very gently kiss the spot right below their browbone. A very intimate kiss. Finger Kiss - While laying together gently suck on their fingers. This can be very seductive and pleasurable. Foot Kiss - An erotic and romantic gesture. It may tickle, but relax and enjoy it! To give a toe kiss by gently suck the toes and then lightly kissing the foot. It helps to gently massage the base of the foot while performing the kiss. Forehead Kiss - The "motherly" kiss or "just friends" kiss. The forehead kiss can be a comforting kiss to anyone. Simply brush your lips lightly across the crown of their head. Freeze Kiss (or Melt Kiss) - Experiment with this fun kiss. Put a small piece of ice in your mouth, then open mouth and kiss your partner, passing them the ice with your tongue. It's an erotic and sensual french kiss with a twist of cold. French Kiss - The kiss involving the tongue. Some call this the "Soul Kiss" because the life and soul are thought to pass through the mouth's breath in the exchange across tongues. Surprisingly, the French call this "The English Kiss". Fruity Kiss - Take a small piece of fruit and place between your lips (juicy fruits such as grapes, strawberries, small pieces of pineapple or mango are ideal). Kiss your partner and nibble one half of the piece of fruit while they nibble the other until it breaks in half, allowing the juice to run into your mouths. Hand Kiss - Gently raise her hand to your lips. Lightly brush your lips across the top of her h nd. Historically this kiss was performed with a bow, which showed deference to a lady. Hickey Kiss - The object is not to draw blood, but to gently leave a mark that will prove your interlude was not a dream. This is often included in erotic foreplay. Hostage Kiss - Cover your lips with tape and get your love's attention. When they come near, make noises like you're trying to tell them something and motion as if you can't get the tape off. Once they remove the tape from you to hear what you're trying to say tell them: "I've been saving my lips all day just for you!" Then kiss your love passionately! Hot and Cold Kiss - Lick your partner's lips so that they're warm, and then gently blow on them. The sudden cold blast makes for a sensual explosion, and they will often try it on you next, as well as get very passionate. Mistletoe Kiss - Surprise your lover by capturing them with a gentle holiday kiss under the mistletoe. This is also a good method for shyer individuals to steal a kiss from a potential lover. Letter Kiss - Send your lover a kiss in a love letter by writing the letter x several times in a row at the bottom of a letter such as XXXXX. Lick Kiss - Just before kissing, gently run your tongue along you partners lip whether it be the top or bottom one depending on the position of your lips. Very sensual. Neck Nibble Kiss - Gently nibble up and down your partners neck. End with a gentle kiss on the lips. Nip Kiss - This kiss can create a very erotic sensation. While kissing your partner, ever so gently nibble on their lips. You must be very careful not to bite to hard or hurt your partner. When done correctly, this kiss ignites wonderful sensations. Reverse Lips Kiss - It involves standing above your lover and kissing them from over their head. This way, each kisser can take the hyper-sensitive bottom lip of thier lover in their mouths, and GENTLY draw blood to the surface of the lip by nibbling and sucking. A very sensuous, connecting kiss. Searching The Cavern - Use the lips and tongue to gently tickle and kiss your lover's navel. Vary speeds and stroke to change sensation. Invigorating and intoxicating. Shoulder Kiss - Simply come from behind, embrace them, and kiss the top of their shoulder. This is a sensual, loving kiss. Sip Kiss - Take a small sip of your favorite drink. Leaving a little bit of it on your lips, kiss your partner. It is a unique way to create a sensual feeling and your partner will enjoy it. Talking Kiss - Whisper sweet nothings into your partner's mouth. If caught in the act, simply say as Chico Marx, "I wasn't kissing her. I was whispering into her mouth." Teaser Kiss - Starting on the forehead, a sweet short kiss on lips, then move up the arms up to their hand, kiss their hand, then come back up their arm, to their face and then lightly kiss their lips till they wants a passionate kiss. The Buzzing Kiss - Gently place your lips against your lover's neck , behind their ear. Now, send a shudder through their skin by gently growling and humming, vibrating your lips and cheeks as you do so. Move up and down the neck, over the bones of the face and lips. Stimulating and erotic when done correctly. The Whipped Cream Kiss - Dip your finger into some cool whip or whipped cream of your choice. Lick it off slowly, then embrace your partner and kiss them deeply letting their tongue slip over yours for a wonderfully sweet kiss. It's very seductive and passionate. Tiger Kiss - Quietly sneak up behind your partner making sure they do not know what you are going to do. Out of the blue, grab them and gently bite their neck. Make sure to get a few good growls in too. This will surely surprise them. Trickle Kiss - Take a sip of a favourite drink and trickle it slowly into partner's mouth while kissing. Tongue Sucking - A variation of the French kiss. During an open-mouth kiss gently suck on your partner's tongue (not too hard because it may hurt). Very sexy :-) Quicki Kiss - When you're in a rush. Often the nose gets it rather than the lips. Vacuum Kiss - While kissing open-mouthed, slightly suck in as if you were sucking the air from your partners mouth. This is a playful kiss. Wake Up Kiss - Before your partner awakes lean over and kiss their cheek and move over giving soft kisses until you reach their lips. Definitely a more than pleasant way to wake up! Virtual Kiss - For Internet lovers. Send an e-card or a kiss via email with this symbol: :-* back Clear Skin These tips may not work for everyone, but it should for a majority of the people. The simpliest way to maintain clear skin is just using plain ol' soap and water. yeah, a primary method, but it's just as effective as anything else. Plus, you don't have to worry about your skin breaking out from acne fighting products. Soap and water is fine, but you might need a little something extra to fight future outbreaks. I highly recommend using Noxema continuous clean clarifying toner or microbead cleanser; it exfoliates and cleanses your pores, plus it leave a nice tingly feeling. Stridex is another good product; it doesn't have a tingling feel afterwards, but it does leave your skin feeling clean and fresh. WARNING!: I advise you not to use more than one facial cleanser at the same time. You'll end up drying out your skin, causing an even bigger breakout. Also to prevent your face from becoming dry, use a moisturizer daily. I use olay, but anything will work. Btw, for the best results, wash your face twice a day, in the morning and before you go to bed. back